


Musicals Gone LOTR

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Poetry, War of the Ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2004-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3737231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of songs from musicals changed to be sung by LOTR characters.  Some are serious, some are silly and OOC.  It's fairly obvious which is which.  The tunes I wrote these to and even some (but not too many) of the words aren't mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Each a Ring of Power

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

To Each a Ring of Power (To Each His Dulcinea from Man of La Mancha)  
Sauron to the Ringwraiths back in the day

 

To each a Ring of Power  
That he alone can claim.  
To each a secret Palantir  
For me to see them all from here  
With my big eye of flame.

For with this Ring of Power  
When placed upon his hand  
A man can do quite anything:  
Out-fly the bird upon the wing  
Wreak havoc in the land.

But if you take this gift from me  
It’s prudent to recall,  
A man who gives his life to me  
Has nothing left at all.

There’s just One Ring of Power  
To rule and bind the rest.  
You’ll always be my servants now.  
Your will is gone, before me bow  
And I’ll make you the best.

So, to each a Ring of Power  
And one day I’ll rule the world!

 

 

 

  



	2. But, Master Elrond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of songs from musicals changed to be sung by LOTR characters. Some are serious, some are silly and OOC. It's fairly obvious which is which. The tunes I wrote these to and even some (but not too many) of the words aren't mine.

But, Master Elrond (But, Mr. Adams from 1776)  
The Council

(Elrond has just said, “One of you must do this,” and the utter silence has fallen over the Council. Crickets chirp. Finally...)

Gandalf: Master Elrond, I say you should do it. To your leadership and knowledge we defer.

Elrond: Is that so? Well, if I’m the one to take it, the Ring will never make it. I’m pretentious and much-watched, you know that, sir.

Gandalf: Yes, I do.

Elrond: So I say you should take it, Gandalf, you.

Gandalf: I really don’t–

Elrond: Yes, you Gandalf Mithrandir, you.

Gandalf: But–

Elrond: You!

Gandalf: But–

Elrond: You!

Gandalf: But...Master Elrond, but, Master Elrond  
I’m just an old man with a stick, I do not know the part.  
For what you need is some young hero with a lion’s heart.  
Perhaps a ranger from your own house would know where to start.

(Gandalf gives Aragorn a sly smirk. Merry and Pippin jump out from nowhere.)

Merry and Pippin: Where to start! Where to start! Rangers have lions’ parts!

(Everyone looks at them strangely, only some of them seeming to get it. Glorfindel and Figwit go over to silence the hobbits, but the little ones are too quick for them and disappear before they get there.)

Elrond: Master Aragorn, it seems you should do it. You are noble and a fighter, through and through.

Aragorn: You really think?

Elrond: Whereas if I’m the one to take it, the Ring will never make it. I’m pretentious and much-watched, you know it’s true.

Aragorn: All too well.

Elrond: So I say you should take it, Aragorn, you.

Aragorn: Really, no.

Elrond: Yes, you, son of Arathorn, you!

Aragorn: But–

Elrond: You!

Aragorn: But–

Elrond: You!

Aragorn: But...Master Elrond, but, Master Elrond  
I’m not yet eighty-eight, I don’t have much experience.  
And you know men, we all are reeking of incompetence.  
Don’t choose my feeble race in whom to place your confidence.

(Merry and Pippin pop out again, from the bushes on the other side of the meeting.)

Merry and Pippin: Confidence! Confidence! Don’t put it in men!

(Glorfindel and Figwit, getting increasingly agitated, walk to them as quickly as they can while still looking cool. But, once again, their quarry is lost.)

Elrond: Master Greenleaf, I think you should do it. You’re a princeling of the highest caliber.

Legolas: Am I now?

Elrond: Whereas if I’m the one to take it, the Ring will never make it. I’m pretentious and much-watched, you know that, sir.

Legolas: I suppose...

Elrond: So I say you should take it, Legolas, you.

Legolas: Are you sure?

Elrond: Yes, you, Prince Legolas, you!

Legolas: But–

Elrond: You!

Legolas: But–

Elrond: You!

Legolas: But...Master Elrond, but Master Elrond.  
I’m almost perfect, that is true. It cannot be denied.  
But if I told you I had no flaws, then I would have lied.

(He looks around, thinking of an excuse as the words leave his mouth, gaining confidence in them as they form an argument.)

Legolas: For if I’m chased into a cave I’d be too tall to hide.

(Merry and Pippin pop out of the bushes directly behind him, making him flinch.)

Merry and Pippin: Tall to hide! Tall to hide! You’re really digging now.

(Legolas sits down, utterly embarrassed at his extreme reaction and discomposure. Glorfindel and Figwit nearly trample him as they try to reach the hobbits, but only succeed in creating an elf-pile as the hobbits skip away. Elrond ignores them.)

Elrond: Master Gimli, maybe you should do it. Dwarves are sturdy and no cowards, that’s a fact.

Gimli: Yes, it is.

Elrond: Whereas if I’m the one to take it, the Ring will never make it. I’m pretentious and much-watched, we both know that.

Gimli: Well, I’ve heard...

Elrond: So I say you should take it, Gimli, you.

Gimli: But I don’t–

Elrond: Yes, you, Master Gimli, you!

Gimli: But–

Elrond: You!

Gimli: But–

Elrond: You!

Gimli: But...Master Elrond, but Master Elrond,  
You know my people, we don’t care to mess in politics.  
The troubles of you other races are not ours to fix.  
Besides, we tromp so loud, I’d soon become like apteryx.

(Merry and Pippin magically pop out from under Elrond’s chair.)

Merry and Pippin: Apteryx! Apteryx! Gimli’s a flightless bird!

(Glorfindel and Figwit dive for them, but only run into the chair, which fortunately Elrond was not sitting in. The Lord of Imladris eyes Frodo and takes a step toward him.)

Elrond: Master Baggins–

(Frodo jumps up, looking panicked.)

Frodo: Master Elrond, leave me alone!

Elrond: Master Baggins–

Frodo: Master Elrond, I beg you, I have not been home in four weeks.

Elrond: Master Baggins, you have carried the Ring for over a month and showed no sign of its influence. Not to mention living with it in your home for many years before that. You are the only one with the purity of heart to make it all the way to Mordor. Besides, it’s your fate. For the good of all Middle-Earth, you must do it, Frodo. Now, will you be a hero, or a hobbit?

Frodo: A hobbit.

Elrond: No!

Frodo: But I’m scared, Master E.!

Elrond: So am I, Master B.!

Gandalf: Really, Elrond?

Frodo: You?

Elrond: Master Baggins, dear Master Baggins,  
I have not lived this long by signing on to hopeless quests.  
You could not get me there for fifty-thousand treasure chests.  
I never was much one for breaking into hornets’ nests.

(Merry and Pippin jump out from on either side of Elrond.)

Merry and Pippin: Hornets’ nests! Hornets’ nests! Elrond’s scared of bees!

Elrond: Quiet!

(He smacks the hobbits in the face and they fall back, into the bushes.)

Elrond: Now, you’ll take it, Master B.

Frodo: Who will make me, Master E.?

Elrond: Me.

Frodo: You?

Elrond: Yes.

Frodo: How?

Elrond: By physical force, if necessary. It’s your duty. It’s your fate, Frodo!

(Frodo sighs, knowing he’s lost.)

Frodo: Master Elrond, well then, Master Elrond,  
You cannot send me out alone, it would be suicide.  
Won’t you please send at least eight others to go by my side?

(He pauses, then smirks.)

Frodo: Perhaps there should be an ambassador from every tribe.

(He looks at the rest of the Council with a sly smile. Elrond looks around, quite pleased. Several people groan or look afraid. Some glare at Frodo. Merry and Pippin pop out from opposite sides of the Council circle.)

Merry and Pippin: Every tribe! Every tribe! Looks like you’re all gonna die!

(Simultaneously, Glorfindel grabs Merry and Figwit grabs Pippin, they toss them into the center of the circle.)

Elrond: Welcome to the Fellowship, boys.

(And the elves laugh gleefully.)


	3. Frodo Baggins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of songs from musicals changed to be sung by LOTR characters. Some are serious, some are silly and OOC. It's fairly obvious which is which. The tunes I wrote these to and even some (but not too many) of the words aren't mine.

Frodo Baggins (Dulcinea from Man of La Mancha)  
At the end of FOTR, at Amon Sul

Boromir:  
I have lived far too long  
In a country besieged by the powers of darkness and pain.  
Now this quest we are on,  
To destroy such a weapon is folly. This wisdom’s not sane!  
Frodo Baggins...Frodo Baggins,  
Will you just lend me the One Ring, Frodo Baggins?  
I ask only for the strength to save my people,  
Frodo Baggins...Frodo Baggins.

Frodo:  
So you reach out to me  
With these words that seem wisdom but I feel a warning within.  
Boromir, can’t you see  
That the Ring is corrupting your virtuous goals into sin?

Boromir:  
Frodo Baggins...Frodo Baggins,  
You would take the ring to Sauron! You’ll betray us!  
And you’ll beg for death before he’s finished with you,  
Frodo Baggins! Frodo Baggins...  



	4. Can He Feel the Ring Tonight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of songs from musicals changed to be sung by LOTR characters. Some are serious, some are silly and OOC. It's fairly obvious which is which. The tunes I wrote these to and even some (but not too many) of the words aren't mine.

Can He Feel The Ring Tonight? (Can You Feel The Love Tonight? from The Lion King)  
Hobbits in cave with Faramir

Frodo: I can see what’s happening.  
Sam: What?  
Frodo: And they don’t have a clue.  
Sam: Who?  
Frodo: He’ll find the Ring and here’s the bottom line:  
He’ll take it and we’re screwed.  
Sam: Oh.

Frodo: The Ring is quite persuasive.  
It’s magic’s everywhere  
And when it meets the sons of Denethor,  
Disaster’s in the air.

Can he feel the Ring tonight?  
Does he know it’s near?  
Steal the Ring for his own country’s use  
Will this Faramir?

Faramir: He’s holding back, he’s hiding;  
But what, I can’t decide.  
What does he hold he won’t let on about?  
What precious does he hide?

Ring: Oh, good, the Man is listening  
At last, my chance arrives.  
Now, Man, just think, with me you could protect  
Your people’s homes and lives.

Will you heed my pull tonight?  
You needn’t go too far.  
There I am, in the halfling’s little hand,  
Mere feet from where you are.

Frodo: Can he feel the Ring tonight?  
Does he hear it’s call?  
When he knows what lies within his grasp,  
Will he stand or fall?

Sam: And if he takes the Ring tonight,  
It can be assumed  
Our carefree days in the Shire are hist’ry.  
In short, our world is doomed.  



	5. On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of songs from musicals changed to be sung by LOTR characters. Some are serious, some are silly and OOC. It's fairly obvious which is which. The tunes I wrote these to and even some (but not too many) of the words aren't mine.

On My Own (from Les Mis)  
Éowyn’s song

 

And now I’m all alone again  
Left here to watch this herd of cattle.  
Why am I only fit to rule  
While all the men go off to battle?  
But now the night is near.  
Now I can make believe he’s here.

Sometimes I walk, alone at night,  
The ancient paths here at Dunharrow.  
I think of him and then I’m happy,  
Though the cold freezes my marrow.  
The city goes to bed.  
Why must I live inside my head?

On my own  
Pretending he’s beside me.  
All alone  
I walk with him ‘till morning.  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
If only it were real when the war comes I could die happy.

He leaves me  
To walk the paths of death now,  
A road which  
No living man has passed through,  
In the darkness  
That weakens even dwarf-hearts.  
He says it’s our last hope to win the battle that is coming.

But I know what I must do now.  
I’m as tough as any Rider that we’ve got.  
And although my duty begs me stay  
Still I say  
I must help my king.

I love him,  
But if I can’t go with him  
I will simply go with someone else.  
I’ll not leave him  
To fight the foe without me  
Or leave him and my brother and their men to all the glory.

I love him  
And soon he will be learning  
Éowyn is not dismissed so simply!  
Without me this world may go on turning,  
But maybe there’s some damage I can yet do to our foe!

I love him.  
I must fight,  
So I’ll go,  
If even on my own.

 

  



	6. The End of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of songs from musicals changed to be sung by LOTR characters. Some are serious, some are silly and OOC. It's fairly obvious which is which. The tunes I wrote these to and even some (but not too many) of the words aren't mine.

The End of It (Can You Feel the Love Tonight, alternate version)  
Sam, after defeating Shelob and seeing Frodo

There’s a calm surrender  
In this dark of day,  
When the heat of a spider’s sting  
Carries you away.

In this timeless moment,  
Can I see it through?  
It’s enough for this weary wanderer  
Just to be with you.

Can this be the end of it?  
Is this where we are?  
It’s enough for this wide-eyed gardener  
That we’ve got this far.

Now we’re at the end of it.  
Now you’re laid to rest.  
Even though I’ve seen kings and elven-lords,  
You’re the very best.

When I think of everyone  
Whose hopes are all on us,  
I know this world is not all about  
My pain, though torturous.

There’s a bigger reason  
That you now lay still,  
For which I must now take your burden up  
To the quest fulfill.

We’ll be reunited  
In the evermore,  
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager  
Beats in time with yours.

Now we’re at the end of it.  
Now all hope is gone.  
But while I still have any life in me  
Your quest will go on.

I’ll return to see you  
If I win or die.  
When it’s done, I’ll be always by your side.  
On that, you can rely.

How I hate the Dark Lord now  
And this painful test.  
It’s enough to make friends and counterparts  
Leave the very best.

Now must I, though it tears me up inside,  
Leave the very best.


End file.
